If you would like to join the DLOC, please visit the Club's website https://www.dloc.org.uk/
Please don't post someone's email address. Some people don't want to risk it being harvested by spambots and GDPR regulations discourage it.
Always look at "ACTIVE TOPICS" which gives all posts in date & time order if you can't find a post or "Your Posts", as topics are sometimes moved.
Reg. nrs. Please add reg. nr. when posting a photo or anything about a car as this will help searches. Don't add punctuation next to nr. as this negates search.

Joke !

Website Comments, instructions for REGISTERING and POSTING, Chat about anything
Post Reply
User avatar
sherlock
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:54 pm

Joke !

Post by sherlock » Sat Feb 13, 2016 9:37 am

"I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake; it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a froggy, nobody is perfect

1934 BSA three wheeler - 1968 Daimler 250 V8 - 1993 Daimler XJ40 Majestic LWB
Image

User avatar
John-B
Site Admin
Posts: 1086
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:10 pm
Location: Salisbury, UK
Contact:

Re: Joke !

Post by John-B » Sat Feb 13, 2016 9:45 am

Years ago when I was about 8 years old my father had an old 1934 Bentley. This had a lever between the front seats where the handbrake is in most cars (in the Bentley it was on the right of the driver). When I was sitting in the passenger seat I used to pull this small lever which disconnected the exhaust pipe and silencer, creating a loud roar. Needless to say my little joke wasn't appreciated.

I've no idea why the Bentley had this device.

User avatar
sherlock
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:54 pm

Re: Joke !

Post by sherlock » Sat Feb 13, 2016 9:52 am

John-B wrote:I've no idea why the Bentley had this device.
My grand pa had a such device on his prewar car. He called it a "hen scarer"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a froggy, nobody is perfect

1934 BSA three wheeler - 1968 Daimler 250 V8 - 1993 Daimler XJ40 Majestic LWB
Image

User avatar
marchesmark
Posts: 244
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 8:02 pm

Re: Joke !

Post by marchesmark » Sat Feb 13, 2016 12:39 pm

I believe it is a 'town and country' device; supposedly you had the silencer connected for discreet use in town, then disconnected it for fast country motoring, the idea being that making it effectively a straight through exhaust liberates a bit more power. I don't know if it ever worked, and I believe such devices were made illegal at some point, possibly even by the late Thirties.

Fossil
Posts: 399
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:08 pm
Location: Helensburgh, Argyll

Re: Joke !

Post by Fossil » Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:13 pm

You can buy an electric exhaust cut out valve should you wish to have such a facility now. i don't know if the vehicle will pass an MoT test with such a thing fitted, but if the car is old enough not to require one, does it matter?

Cheers

Geoff

User avatar
John-B
Site Admin
Posts: 1086
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:10 pm
Location: Salisbury, UK
Contact:

Re: Joke !

Post by John-B » Sat Feb 13, 2016 6:10 pm

When I had my Dart (the same one) in 1968 - 73 it often had broken exhausts. I used to go to a sports club and leave at about 1am and climb a long steep hill as fast as I could in second gear between buildings. I'm sure I could be heard ten miles away! Anyone who knows Bristol will know that there's a long steep winding hill from the river near Hotwells up to the heights of Clifton. I feel like doing that again but I don't live there now and 1am driving away from clubs is a thing of the past. Boo-Hoo.

User avatar
sherlock
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:54 pm

Re: Joke !

Post by sherlock » Sun Feb 14, 2016 12:01 pm

OFFICIAL INFORMATION FROM THE DLOC

The old forum was made by Lucas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a froggy, nobody is perfect

1934 BSA three wheeler - 1968 Daimler 250 V8 - 1993 Daimler XJ40 Majestic LWB
Image

User avatar
Hamish
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 8:21 am
Location: Northwest

Re: Joke !

Post by Hamish » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:08 pm

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
H
Over 50 years in Darts !

User avatar
theoldman
Posts: 1107
Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2016 2:39 pm
Location: Bacton on Sea, Norfolk UK

Re: Joke !

Post by theoldman » Tue Feb 23, 2016 9:26 am

It was the traffic warden's funeral.

As the coffin was being lowered in to the ground, there is a frenzied knocking from inside and a scream of "I'm not dead - let me out!!!"

The vicar smiles, leans forward and sucking air through his teeth, mutters "Sorry mate, I've already filled in the paperwork."
Normal for Norfolk

User avatar
sherlock
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:54 pm

Re: Joke !

Post by sherlock » Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:01 am

A classic joke, but always funny : What is the difference between having sex in a canoe and an american beer?




It's f.....g too close from water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a froggy, nobody is perfect

1934 BSA three wheeler - 1968 Daimler 250 V8 - 1993 Daimler XJ40 Majestic LWB
Image

Post Reply