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Joke !

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Stan Thomas
Posts: 509
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 2:14 pm
Location: Penkridge. Staffs.

Re: Joke !

Post by Stan Thomas » Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:45 am

Sign in the window of an outdoor leisure shop last Christmas:

"Now is the winter of our discount tent".

And I once saw a sign in a barber's shop which read "Hair cut while you wait".
Last edited by Stan Thomas on Tue Aug 28, 2018 7:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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sherlock
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:54 pm

Re: Joke !

Post by sherlock » Sun Aug 26, 2018 11:43 am

Three men were very drunk and stopped a taxi for a ride. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them, “we have arrived”.

The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver).

The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn’t move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: “what was that for?”. The drunken man replied, “control your speed next time!!! you nearly killed us!!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a froggy, nobody is perfect

1934 BSA three wheeler - 1968 Daimler 250 V8 - 1993 Daimler XJ40 Majestic LWB
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Vortex O'Plinth
Posts: 809
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 8:15 pm
Location: Gloucestershire

Re: Joke !

Post by Vortex O'Plinth » Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:31 am

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed and as the wife walked around she was surprised to discover that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask where he was.

In a quiet voice he said "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about ten years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said "Yes, I do remember that shop"

He replied "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Nick

"Open the pod bay door Hal".

Phillmore
Posts: 847
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 1:25 pm
Location: Worcestershire Herefordshire border

Re: Joke !

Post by Phillmore » Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:42 am

Vortex O'Plinth wrote:
Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:31 am
Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed and as the wife walked around she was surprised to discover that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask where he was.

In a quiet voice he said "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about ten years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said "Yes, I do remember that shop"

He replied "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
:D :D
Andy

1954 Conquest Mk1, 1956 Conquest Mk2, 1957 Conquest Century Mk2, 1955 Austin A90 Westminster

Stan Thomas
Posts: 509
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 2:14 pm
Location: Penkridge. Staffs.

Re: Joke !

Post by Stan Thomas » Mon Apr 01, 2019 9:13 am

We went shopping to Rackhams last Saturday, and finished up in their cafeteria - and whilst the wife went to get the tea and buns, a very elegantly dressed lady sidled over to me and asked me if I was looking for a good time!

"How much do you charge?" I enquired.

"Two hundred pounds" she replied.

"That's far too much for me" I said.

"How much do you expect to pay?" she asked.

Keeping a staight face, I said "five pounds" - at which she stormed off.

Any road up (as they say in Birmingham) the missus came back with the tea, and we sat there for a while. Then the elegant lady came walking back through the cafe, and as she passed our table, she said "See what you get for a fiver!"

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John-B
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Location: Salisbury, UK
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Re: Joke !

Post by John-B » Mon Apr 01, 2019 9:29 am

There have been far, far too many jokes rude to wives or women; it's about time some women members fought back. :o

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Vortex O'Plinth
Posts: 809
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 8:15 pm
Location: Gloucestershire

Re: Joke !

Post by Vortex O'Plinth » Mon Apr 01, 2019 2:45 pm

John-B wrote:
Mon Apr 01, 2019 9:29 am
There have been far, far too many jokes rude to wives or women; it's about time some women members fought back. :o
Not sure this is really a joke, but it did actually happen to me and perhaps reflects rather more positively on the female party involved than on myself.

I was in a public meeting one day and found myself sitting next to a very attractive girl. As the meeting progressed I realised she was casting lingering glances in my direction.

I played it very cool and kept my eyes on the speaker but a little later I realised she was actually leaning towards me and sniffing.

'Wow!' I thought - 'that aftershave certainly does what it says on the can'.

She kept up this attention until the end of the meeting when she leaned close to my ear and said 'Excuse me, I think you have dogshit on your shoe.'


As the Punch cartoon would have it - Collapse of stout party.
Nick

"Open the pod bay door Hal".

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